By Johnny O. Trail
In my work as a therapist, I deal with many individuals who suffer with chronic illnesses.  As I help these individuals cope with the circumstances of their diseases, some commonalties have tended to emerge over the years.  It is certain that they want other people to understand definite aspects of their struggles.  Typically, Christian people mean well, but they do not always have the appropriate information for the best response toward those who are dealing with the symptoms of continual illnesses.  Here are some things that chronically ill people might want you to know.
“If I could be at worship and other church activities, I would be there.”  We should never accuse the chronically ill of being willfully absent from the worship assembly or other church related happenings.  If they could pick between being at home sick and being in the congregation, it is certain they would choose to be in fellowship with the saints.  Chronically ill people deal with varying degrees of pain and discomfort.  They feel pain every day, and their routines are dictated by the degree of discomfort that they are experiencing on a given day.  They, like all other faithful Christians, know the importance of being in church to receive edification and encouragement.  Hebrews 10.25 says, “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.”
“I know you mean well, but there is no ‘better’ regarding my condition.  Some days are just harder than others.”  As mentioned earlier, people with chronic disease will never recover from their condition.  It is a matter of taking their illness one day at a time.  Some days will be better than others, but they will never truly be “better” in regards to the overarching condition they are faced with on an everyday basis.  A well intention person might ask them, if they are feeling ‘better, but the term ‘better’ is very general in nature.
The woman with an “issue of blood” could not get better until Jesus miraculously healed her.  Luke 8:43-44 says, “And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any, Came behind him, and touched the border of his garment: and immediately her issue of blood stanched.”  She spent all that she had so that she might be “better” but there were no medical solutions for her condition.  Even with all our modern medical advancements, there are conditions that have no cure or treatment options.  We need to be sensitive to those who have no alternative but to suffer with their illness.
“I appreciate your questions, and your concern, but I do not always want to be the ‘sick one’ in our congregation.”  The chronically ill person is on the “sick list” on a continual basis, but they do not want to constantly explain their situation to every person that they meet in a congregation.  In some cases, they might want to be taken off to avoid incessant explanations.   Have you ever told the same story two hundred times over in an effort to inform people of your condition?  It can be exasperating to tell your story of pain and depression over and over again.  Chronically ill people are just that—chronically ill.  There is no cure.  There is no time when the effects are not felt.  They want to spell out their situation once to all and be done with explanations.
“While I appreciate your thoughts, I will let you know when I need additional help with my situation.”  People mean well, but the sometimes volunteer services or things that are not desired.  It might be best for one to determine what is needed by a person dealing with chronic sickness before knocking on their door.  Visits are genuinely appreciated, but in some cases they need to be well thought out before making an attempt to see someone in their home.  Maybe they are so sick they don’t feel like cleaning for company.
“You might sincerely believe that you understand my condition and the pain that comes with it, but you have no clue about my daily struggles.”  Job’s comforters had no idea of what Job was contending with in his struggles.  Job 13:4-5 says, “But ye are forgers of lies, ye are all physicians of no value.  O that ye would altogether hold your peace! and it should be your wisdom.”  While we may believe that we understand what a person is enduring, we do not until we have been in their situation.  Wisdom is of little value without experience and understanding.
“I try to be upbeat for my family, my brethren, and others around me, but I rarely feel well enough to be around other people.”  Sometimes people who deal with chronic physical pain put on a brave face and make an effort to be sociable with other people even when they feel terrible.  Just because we see a person out who is typically hurting, we should not assume that everything is better.
Ignorant comments have been made by people who have absolutely no understanding of chronic illness.  One who is chronically ill takes advantage of very opportunity to enjoy and outing when their health allows.  Just because one sees a chronically ill person out in public following a Sunday assembly, it does not mean they merely “skipped” church.
“As I struggle with this illness, I suffer from depression and other psychological issues.  This does not mean that I do not believe in God or lack faith in Him.”  In our desire to reflect God, we have sometimes reached the conclusion that depression or mental disorders show that a person does not have enough faith in God.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Our struggles, mental and physical, can force us to draw nearer to God.  2 Corinthians 12:8-10 “For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.  And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”
“Please do not be critical of me; especially since you have no clue about my daily struggles and walk of life.”  Job’s friends were critical of him in his greatest time of need.  Instead of being a foundation of encouragement, they were a source of consternation.  Job 16:2-5 says, “I have heard many such things: miserable comforters are ye all.  Shall vain words have an end? or what emboldeneth thee that thou answerest?  I also could speak as ye do: if your soul were in my soul’s stead, I could heap up words against you, and shake mine head at you.  But I would strengthen you with my mouth, and the moving of my lips should asswage your grief.”  When we seek to comfort those in pain or the bereaved, we need to select our words carefully.
“Just because I appear to be fine outwardly, you do not know the pain I suffer with or the toil that is exacted on my body.”  A person can appear to be fine on the outside and suffer silently with chronic pain.  Just because one does not have a gapping, bleeding wound, it does not mean that their pain is not real or severe in nature.
Physical illnesses may carry inherent psychological issues.  Chronic depression and anxiety sometimes go hand in hand with being sick.  Jesus tells the woman with the chronic blood disease to be at “peace.”  Luke 8:48 “And he said unto her, Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace.”  The Great Physician understood the inherent mental anguish that went along with continual suffering.  Christians should have the same type of understanding in dealing with people who are chronically ill.
As God’s people, we must show compassion towards those who are suffering.  1 Peter 3:8 says, “Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous.”  Jude 1:22says, “And of some have compassion, making a difference.”  Indeed, as members of a cohesive body we must suffer with other saints who suffer.  1 Corinthians 12:25-26 “That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.  And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honored, all the members rejoice with it.”
In times past, God’s people have struggled with effectively helping people who suffer with various physical and mental infirmities.  Seeking a biblical methodology for helping our brethren should be the goal of every loving Christian individual.