By Matt Vega
Many of us have a long-time friend or a close relative that is actively involved in homosexuality or a former or struggling with same-sex attraction. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that there is a growing number of church members struggling with homosexuality. How should church leaders respond? Do we urge repentance? Do we disfellowship them? Do we just treat them as if nothing is wrong?
First, elders need to see that the issue of homosexuality is part of a much bigger problem in our society with regard to sexual values and morality. Traditional marriage is on the decline. The widespread adoption of no-fault divorce laws in most states means that a person can, for whatever reason, unilaterally end his marriage. It gives men the option to desert their wives for younger prospects, and it lets women give up more easily on less-than-storybook-perfect husbands. There has also been a dramatic increase in cohabitation and more sexual activity outside of marriage generally. Non-marital sex (both pre-marital and extra-marital) breaks the God-ordained connection between sex and marriage. Thus, the problem facing our society goes well beyond homosexuality.
According to the Scripture, homosexuals are no worse sinners in God’s eyes than any other sinners. James wrote that whosoever has broken the least of God’s commands is guilty of breaking them all (James 2:10). While homosexuality is called an “abomination” to God, so is adultery, murder, lying, and all forms of wickedness (Proverbs 6:16-19; 8:7; 11:1, 20;16:5; 17:15; Ezekiel 22:11). While the Bible does teach that homosexuality is “contrary to nature” (Romans 1:26), this does not mean it is more sinful than, say, adultery. Rather Paul describes homosexuality as “unnatural” to emphasize the fact that people can recognize it is immoral even without the aid of special revelation; therefore ignorance of what the Bible teaches on the subject is no excuse (Romans 1:20). In fact, an argument can be made that the church actually has a greater duty to preach and teach about heterosexual sins that might not be as obvious.
For example, elders need to remind the church that what the world calls cohabitation and no fault-divorce and remarriage, the Bible calls the sin of fornication (1 Thessalonians 4:3) and the sin of adultery (Matthew 19:9). In order to address the real problem elders must approach all sexual sin in a consistent, principled way. This means not only emphasizing that God regulates all sexual behavior (Genesis 2:24; Hebrews 13:4; Matthew 19:9), but affirming that He is willing to forgive all sexual sins (1 Corinthians 6:11).
Second, elders need to show homosexuals that they care. Church leaders must approach homosexuality with the same level of understanding and sense of urgency with which we have confronted heterosexual sin. Of course, we must teach that homosexual behavior is contrary to God’s will. However, it takes more than quoting Scripture to guide someone out of homosexuality. Elders must be patient and show a caring attitude. Instead of ignoring or being fearful about this particular category of sexual sin, elders must actively help those who struggle with feelings of same-sex attraction. Ministering to homosexuals and former homosexuals involves more than referring them to a third-party professional for counseling. It requires a united church effort. They have to feel welcome to come and sit down beside us during the worship service. Parents need to feel like they can tell the elders that their son went off to college and is experiencing some same-sex attraction and know that the elders will not be afraid to ask for the prayers of the church.
Third, elders need to become more knowledgeable about homosexuality. Just like those addicted to porngraphy or other irresponsible sexual behavior, those struggling with homosexuality must choose not to act on that attraction each and every day. While the desire may diminish over time, elders must realize that many individuals may always struggle with this particular sin. Elders must understand their struggle and help them find that space that James wrote about between being tempted and giving in to the temptation (James 1:12-15), and to stop feeding or making provision for sin (Romans 13:14). More importantly, elders must constantly remind them of the Gospel message of hope and the power of the grace of God to not only manage the behavior, but to get to the causes of same-sex desires.
Fourth, elders need to pray for wisdom when dealing with homosexuality. This is one of the most important lessons to be learned from lawsuits filed against the church over the last three decades. Churches in Oklahoma, Tennessee, and other states have been sued by wayward church members disfellowshipped for refusing to repent of habitual sins. Recently, the U.S. Supreme Court in Hosanna-Tabor Evangelical Lutheran Church and School v. E.E.O.C. (132 S.Ct 694, 2011) reaffirmed a church’s First Amendment right to govern itself; therefore, courts will generally dismiss these church discipline cases on constitutional grounds. However, when the sin at issue is particularly embarrassing, such as adultery, a few plaintiffs have been awarded tens of thousands of dollars in damages because of the way those members were confronted by church leaders, or because of the way certain details of the wayward member’s sins were publicized to the whole church or even to nearby congregations.
Because of the social stigma associated with homosexuality, church leaders must be particularly circumspect when addressing the sin publicly. Invasion of privacy and intentional infliction of emotional distress claims could be successfully brought against an unsuspecting church when the underlying sin being addressed is homosexuality. Therefore churches should (1) faithfully follow the Lord’s model for progressive church discipline which presupposes a close fellowship (Matthew 18:17-18; Titus 3:10; 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15; 1 Timothy 5:20; Galatians 6:1); (2) regularly educate their members on the permanent nature of church membership as an adopted child of God (Ephesians 2:13-22; Romans 8:16; Philippians 2:15; 1 John 3:1), (3) consistently utilize church discipline, as a last resort, for all sexual sins and not single out homosexuality, (4) speak with the wayward member in person rather than sending a formal letter and carefully word any announcements made to the entire congregation to ensure you are “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), (5) cautiously limit information regarding the details of a member’s sin to those with a legitimate “need-to-know,” (6) rigorously avoid relying on unsubstantiated rumors, (2 Corinthians 12:20), and (7) exclusively focus on the spiritual needs of the church member and the church at large.
Fifth, elders need to approach the wrongness of homosexuality as a matter of objective, absolute moral truth. Legal attacks are increasingly trying to drive a wedge between faith and reason. They argue that laws based on traditional Christian moral values reflect a personal or private moral view that is essentially “irrational.” For example, a federal judge in San Francisco struck down California’s Proposition 8 by declaring in Perry v. Schwarzenegger that there was no “rational basis” for amending the state constitution to read, “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid and recognized in California.” Since all valid laws require a rational basis, the amendment was struck down as unconstitutional. Church leaders must train their members to defend the reasonableness of the Christian view of marriage. This will require teaching: (1) how to defend the reliability of the Bible as the final authority on important matters such as sex and marriage; (2) how to apply basic principles of Biblical interpretation (so-called Biblical hermeneutics) and respond to those who read the Bible improperly; and (3) how to give reasons that others who do not share our view that the Bible is the final authority can still grasp.
Sixth and finally, elders need to remember that is never too early to start caring about those who may be at risk of developing same-sex attractions. Church leaders need to understand that upbringing is often a “contributing factor” in the sin of homosexuality. Growing up is not easy, and growing up in a single-parent home without a father or mother around is a lot like being put in a boxing ring with one hand tied behind your back. And now that at least a dozen states in this country recognize “same-sex” marriages and many of these homosexual couples are choosing to adopt children, church leaders must be ready to help children that live with gay parents cope with the unique difficulties they will face.
The basic fact remains that children benefit from a father and a mother. Imagine there is a little boy on your son’s little league baseball team that has two moms. Does the fact he does not know his biological father make any difference? Isn’t he likely to feel different from all the other players? This circumstance is certainly not his fault, and the problem is not simply prejudice towards his gay parents. Although the research on homosexual-led families is still very new and relatively scarce, two new studies show that kids do best in low-conflict marriages between the biological mother and biological father (L. Marks 2012; M. Rgenerus 2012). According to research studies, a child with same sex parents is likely to be confused about his or her sexual identity and less chaste (Golombok and Tasker, 1996: Stacey and Biblarz, 2001). Of course many children reared in traditional father-mother families also experience childhood trauma, develop patterns of rebellion, or feel a deep-seated need to escape from all kinds of personal problems that leads them to engage in reckless sexual behavior. In any case however, the church can make a difference by providing young people with good Christian men and women role models and mentors. It is critical that elders keep this goal at the forefront when working with parents and youth ministers to shepherd the youngest among us.
