By Anonymous

There is no greater pain for a parent, than to lose a child. And while at this point in time, I still physically have both of my children, now in their early/mid 20’s, my heart endures the pain daily, of a child lost spiritually.  

I took my children to church regularly, and we had daily bible devotionals.

While my daughter didn’t protest, my son did, and wanted to know why he must participate, since his daddy didn’t. My husband, though a good man, was not a church going man, and left the reins of their spiritual training in my hands. I did my best to train my children according to Gods standard, training them in the way they should go, so that when they are old they will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6). Both our children were raised the same way. I spent much time with them, being a mostly stay at home mom, playing dolls with my daughter and cars with my son when they were small, and adjusting to new activities as they grew older. Both children had a good relationship with their daddy and I. They could talk to us about anything and we certainly encouraged it. We tried to instill good manners and responsibility, as well as trying to define the line of strictness; rules, but not so many that it would drive them to rebellion. Both of our children were very well behaved and didn’t require a lot of disciplinary measures. While my daughter did go thru a mild rebellion in the tumultuous middle school days when boys are discovered, she was more receptive/responsive to our guidance. By the time my son was 16 he had a job and worked every time the church doors were open. (I am sure he requested to work those days). He started out well, except for missing church services; he was still keeping grades up, paying his own bills, being responsible, etc. I watched, dismayed, as he set out on the road to self-destruction thru partying, staying out late, and a rebellion that started in 12th grade and is still ongoing today. During this time my daughter was still enjoying Christian friendships, church camp, daily bible readings, graduating from high school and the local junior college and goes on to OC.and hopeful she will meet her future christian husband while there. Having prayed for my both my children since they were young teens, that even then God was preparing their Christian mates, I fully expected also, she would meet her mate there, a fellow college student.  


I prayed diligently for the future mate for my children. I prayed that God was preparing the young woman, young man that my son and daughter would someday marry. These mates, of course, would be Christians, and help keep my son and daughter encouraged to follow Jesus and ‘stay the course”. And vice versa. When they began dating, I would pray, “Dear God, if this is NOT the one you have in mind, please don’t let the relationship continue” without going into a lot of details, let me just say, each time, they ended soon after, including a 2 year relationship my daughter had with young man who was raised as a Jehovah Witness, but converted to the church. I suspected the conversion was for my daughter, and his heart truly was not in it. Although he loved her very much, I knew he needed to love the Lord more. Again, I petitioned our Lord. Just days before he intended to ask for her hand in marriage, she broke it off. Another year later, a few more boyfriends later, she was tearfully bemoaning the woes of being an old maid. (at 23 years of age!). . I said, ” Sweetheart, it must not be the one God wants you to be with.” I then explained to her that I had been praying for years for her future mate. She said, “Could you ask Him to speed it up?” I replied, “Patience, my darling….Patience. Gods timing is not our timing.” Fast forward to her last year at college. Many new challenges and trials for her, (including an illness), and during this time, enter her future husband. Not from OC, but a former high school classmate and a student at our local junior college, and to my amazement his minor was Bible. He was searching for a Christian relationship. He’d looked her up and contacted her, became her best support system during those rough times. When I saw he had my daughter’s heart, I again prayed, if this is not the intended one, please let her down gently! Two days later he announced he wanted to be baptized. (He had been doing bible studies with my daughter). Gods timing was perfect…he sent this young man at the time she was going to need him most. I’m happy to report they celebrated their 1st wedding anniversary this year and are still reading the bible together and worshipping/serving God together. Every Christian parents dream. Especially mine, since I did not have that in my own marriage, I did not want my daughter to make that same mistake. 


Being told by friends, and our own common sense that we should pull the rug out from under him, and kick him out of our home, we dealt with it in another way. We hoped by allowing him to continue living in our home, we would still have some influence and possibly keep him out of trouble. We wanted him to move out, but we wanted it to be on good terms. Having him home living his liberal lifestyle was very hard on us as individuals, and in our marriage. We were almost continuously fighting over how to best handle the situation. He finally did decide to move out at age 23, and we had hoped he would learn more responsibility by living on his own and experiencing the hard knocks of life. However, that has not been the case. He tends to be very self-seeking. Drinking, wild women, partying, riding his motorcycle or 4 wheeler dangerously is what moves him. Having more than one skirmish with the law, his party animal lifestyle has only intensified. To say that he is living on the edge is a huge understatement. I know when he falls off, it’s going to make him, or break him. I am terrified he will leave this physical world without ever accepting Jesus and becoming a Christian. . 


At the time of this writing, he is still in the clutches of the devil, and daily I ask God to keep my boy safe. Daily, I pray for that young woman that I’ve prayed for since my son was only 13, hoping she will come into his life soon, with the influence to turn his life around. And yet, I wonder, what Christian girl would even get near him at this point. I have personally seen God working in my daughter’s life, and I am impatient for Him to work in the life of my son. And while I pray and hope for my lost son to find his way, I continually pray for my husband to find his way as well. I deal with the heartache of a little boy lost, and my husband too, the only way I know how. On my knees, thru tears and sincerity, pouring out my soul to God, knowing He cares for the souls of my lost loved ones. There is so much power in prayer. I don’t understand why it has to take so long for my son, and even for my husband, as I live daily the words of 1Peter 3:1, “wives, in the same way be submissive to our husbands so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives”. I constantly analyze my life to make sure I am living my life in a way that will be encouraging to my husband. The very words I spoke to my daughter a few years earlier have come back to me, as if spoken by God Himself. “Patience my dear!! Patience. My timing is not YOUR timing…..”