By Brad Harrub, Ph.D
 
Having looked into the tearful eyes of parents whose children have abandoned the Faith, I have learned there are a million miles between our children “going through the motions” in reference to their spiritual lives versus our children possessing hearts that dictate their actions. In this column, I plan to share with you what I hope to instill in the hearts of my own children and those whom I love. 
 
The stigma is long gone. There was a time in which having a baby out-of-wedlock would bring embarrassment to the couple involved and shame to the family. That is not the case today. According to the Center for Disease control more than 40% of all children born today are born to unmarried women. The concepts of “shotgun weddings” or “illegitimate” pregnancies are a thing of the past. Young people today watch as Hollywood celebrities celebrate having children outside of marriage. Television shows promote this trend to every age and economic level. 
In far too many cases individuals who never intended to be married bring babies into the world. And unlike Hollywood celebrities, these individuals are not financially (or emotionally) prepared to care for an unexpected baby. They were just indulging in some selfish fun. Yet now, for many, it is the grandparents who find themselves suddenly put into the role of chief caregiver—feeding and changing diapers. This is not fair to the child or the grandparents. 
While it would be nice if the church was not affected by the increase in out-of-wedlock births, the fact remains that we are.  Many congregations find themselves torn as some petition for a baby shower while others try hard not to reward bad behavior. In fact, some congregations have split over this emotionally charged issue. 
Here is what I want to tell my children about out-of-wedlock births. 
Let me begin by saying that if you ever find yourself in a pregnancy situation and you are not married please do not abort the child. Your mom and I have talked to you repeatedly about our unconditional love, and we will help you through this challenge. No matter what the situation, “children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward” (Psalm 127:4). There will be consequences to your actions, but we will still love you. 
Having clarified that, let me point out the obvious: there is a “cure” for preventing out-of-wedlock births, and that is to save yourself until marriage. Just like the HIV/aids virus or other sexually transmitted diseases, this is one of those things that you should not have to concern yourself with if you strive to walk the narrow path and live your life according to God’s will. 
It is my prayer that your mother and father have seared your consciousness enough that you will always view sinful behavior as wrong. Even though society may relax or even embrace out-of-wedlock births, we hope that you fully understand God’s view on fornication and the marriage bed (Hebrews 13:4). Remember, just because our society may approve of something does not mean God does. 
While many unmarried individuals are quick to consider the pleasure found from sexual relations outside of marriage, few consider things like who would have legal custody if they found themselves as parents. Fewer still give any consideration to the financial obligations that children bring into the picture. And the number of individuals who think about the spiritual well-being of a child born out-of-wedlock are probably almost non-existent. 
Never forget that God had a plan for the family unit. Any time we violate His plan there are consequences to pay. For instance, fatherless homes account for:  
53% of teen mothers
63% of youth suicides
71% high school dropouts
85% of youths in prison
90% of homeless/runaway children 
But this is only the beginning. A recent Heritage Foundation report demonstrates that removing a father from the picture also results in children more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems; be physically abused; smoke, drink, and use drugs; be aggressive; engage in violent, delinquent, and criminal behavior; have poor school performance; be expelled from school; and drop out of high school. The effect of having a father in the picture is very pronounced. 
We’ve talked at home about walking on the narrow path. This is one of those areas in which the world is telling you to join them on the broad way. However, don’t be conformed to the world. Seek the narrow or difficult way (Matthew 7).  My prayer is that you will bring many children into the world—but according to God’s schedule (marriage first), and not your own schedule. Keep striving. 
Love , 
Dad