For three years before I got married I lived by myself. As a Christian I had some of life’s ups and downs, but generally speaking I thought I had matured greatly.
Getting married and subsequently having kids was quite the rude awakening.
As it turns out, when there’s no one around with some opposing views, different preferences, and different priorities, it’s awfully easy to think one has mastered things like anger and selfishness. When my time was my own and I never had to move at a 2-year-old’s pace, I never realized that I was in such short supply of patience.
That’s why relationships are so important. They reveal the depths of our hearts in ways that we otherwise might not ever see.
So, if you want to measure your walk with God, look at your closest relationships.
While a personal walk with God and involvement with the church are important, it’s not hard to do those things and still treat those around us poorly. Those involve a change of habit. How we treat others involves a change of heart. In fact the change of heart should be the output of such habits – we practice our spiritual disciplines so they draw our heart nearer to God and to full submission to His will.
As 1 John 4:20 tells us, anybody who says they love God but hates their brother is a liar. If the inspired writer felt the need to address such a point, it tells us that any of us can fall into such sin. Additionally, notice how many of the qualities given in the Fruit of the Spirit explicitly deal with relationships – love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness. A case can be made for all of them, of course, but these especially stand out as relational attributes. What these Scriptures indicate is this:
How we treat others is one of the greatest litmus tests of whether we’re truly being conformed to the image of Christ.
Consider how easy it is to walk into the building on Sunday projecting a perfect image, only to return home and be someone totally different.
When the home is full of anger and yelling, and where husband and wife, or parent and child, or brother and sister are cold and bitter toward each other, God is not honored. When any is in the habit of lying to those around them to get what they want, to cover up some misdoing, or to hurt others, Christlikeness is not being pursued. When one spouse withholds sex or other marital duties to the other out of spite or as leverage to get something they want, the Spirit is not being followed. When selfishness and patience manifest themselves in the interaction between family members, repentance is in order.
Biblically speaking, God doesn’t want us pretending to have a good relationship with Him if we are at odds with our fellow man (Matthew 5:23-24). That’s given special emphasis in 1 Peter 3:7, where we’re told that God won’t even hear the prayers of a husband who isn’t loving his wife properly. God will not let us pretend to be close with Him if we aren’t treating others as He wills.
However, I want to emphasize that this is not just a negative pursuit. It’s not just about NOT lying, yelling, being impatient, and so on. There are many positive things we’re told to do, too, and neglect of those can distance us from God and each other just the same.
We might pat ourselves on the back for not being angry and cold to those around us, but that doesn’t finish the job. We are still to go on loving others as Jesus loves us (John 13:34-35). We are to serve them, not considering ourselves above any job (John 13:12-16). We are to consider others as more important than ourselves and defer to them rather than demanding our own way (Romans 12:10, 1 Corinthians 13:5, Philippians 2:3). We are to take an interest in their spiritual lives by encouraging them and building them up in the faith (Hebrews 3:12-13, 10:24-25). If I have not grown to the point of adding these positive works God has prepared for me, I must be stirred to action.
Our dealings with others are such a useful measuring stick because they show whether our knowledge and understanding has reached the heart. If I study and pray daily, have the right doctrinal views, and avoid the vices of the day I can think myself strong. But if I can’t take the love of God and channel it to those around me, my heart remains cold.
I can even carry out some of these relational duties and still be in the wrong, if I’m doing them grudgingly. The key is to have a softened heart. When we do that, submitting to God’s will by loving others is simply the natural consequence.
Use the blessing of your closest relationships as a measuring stick for your walk with God, and use it regularly.
