By Ashley Smith
Trust is a big word that many people know the definition of, but not the true meaning. Trust is not only a noun, but an action. It simply means to ‘believe in the strength or ability of someone or something.’ Hearing that word takes me back to a Kindergarten game where everyone would pick a partner, close their eyes and as stiff as they could, fall backwards into the arms of a trusted classmate. All you felt was air in those few seconds until your partner’s arms clenched you around the waist and hoisted you back up into the normal standing position. You’ve then been caught, lifted up and saved by someone you put trust into.  This simple game accomplished its purpose then in building a stronger class and strengthening friendships, and it still teaches a lesson today.
One day you stand tall and firm in your faith in God.  You do everything right, but when one thing goes wrong, you feel yourself fall. You slip up on your faith due to being blindsided by the many sinful and evil things we as humans face daily. As you fall, there is only one thing you can do before you hit rock bottom and completely ruin yourself.  Trust.  Trust in God, savior of the world, to catch you and guide you back up to the person you should be, firmly planted in the word of God.
The Bible gives us so many examples of people who put their trust in God during hard times – David; Esther; Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego; Moses and Aaron; Abraham and Sarah. The list goes on and on. The book of Hebrews offers a whole chapter of “faith heroes.”   
But the one person that sticks out to me the most is Job.  Job seemingly had a perfect life starting off.  In Job 1:1-3 we read, “1 There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil. 2 And seven sons and three daughters were born to him. 3 Also, his possessions were seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen, five hundred female donkeys, and a very large household, so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the East.”
Job had life made. He was a great guy who feared God, he had a beautiful family and piece of land. Satan knew this. And Satan decided it was time for Job to take that mighty test of faith. Satan slowly destroyed Job’s animals, his family, his body, his life. He took away everything that made Job happy, everything that gave Job meaning and life on this earth. He had hit rock bottom.   Job questions God in Job 7:16-21:
“16 I loathe my life;
I would not live forever.
Let me alone,
For my days are but a breath.
17 “What is man, that You should exalt him,
That You should set Your heart on him,
18 That You should visit him every morning,
And test him every moment?
19 How long?
Will You not look away from me,
And let me alone till I swallow my saliva?
20 Have I sinned?
What have I done to You, O watcher of men?
Why have You set me as Your target,
So that I am a burden to myself?
21 Why then do You not pardon my transgression,
And take away my iniquity?”
Job had gone from loving his life to hating it. Notice that he still believes in God throughout this trial. He’s mad and frustrated, but he also continues to be aware that God is God. He never turns his back on God or curses at him, but simply questions him. He wants an explanation for the pain. This is Job at his worst, alone and in unbearable pain. Due to Job’s faith, God rewarded him with even more than he had in the beginning. He lived 140 years and died happy with many children, grandchildren, animals and land.
So easily could Job have just said, ‘God, I have nothing else. You must not be all powerful. You must not control everything. You let this happen to me and now I do not love you.’  But he didn’t.  Job let go, fell backwards and God caught him and brought him back up, better than before.
Recently I’ve taken my own fall. Mine was not even close to Job’s, so I can’t even imagine how he pulled through it like he did when I continue to struggle some days.
As I write this it’s been a year, 2 months and 12 days ago, when I was a typical teenage girl, full of happiness and joy. I had been dating my best friend, Taylor, for 11 months and two days and could not wait to hit that one-year mark.  He was my handsome, dark haired boy in cowboy boots and Wranglers. The sweetest boy you will ever meet.  Perfect manners, great with kids, outgoing.  He helped the kids at school who were mentally challenged and I even saw him yell at a few bullies for messing around with “different” kids.  My momma and grandmother adored him and my daddy thought very highly of him. He gave me sparks and made me crazy happy.
A year, 2 months and 12 days ago, started off like any other normal lazy Saturday.  I was fighting off a cold but Mom said that if I rested, I could go out on a date that night with Taylor to Steak n Shake. Around 4:00 I started to get ready, putting on my make-up.  Taylor had told me he was with Luke, who has been like my little brother for as long as I can remember, and that he was about to come get me.  I had no idea that Taylor wasn’t going to show up at my house that night.  
Mom came downstairs and interrupted my make-up session to tell me that Taylor had been in a bad accident and we headed for the car as fast as we could to get to Luke and Taylor.
The rest is a blur and something I still cannot talk about to anyone, not even myself.  I saw things that night that I have tried to block out of my memory for over the past year.  I saw and witnessed many things that night that I wish to never go through ever again. I call it my night from hell because it is the worst thing I have ever been through before.  
Although my situation is nowhere near Job’s and I have no right whatsoever to question God, I found myself wondering why this had to happen. As I lay in bed a couple of days later, crying with Taylor’s momma and daddy, I found myself mad at God for making this happen to such amazing people.  I was angry, hurt, weak and exhausted mentally and physically.  I went through a really terrible few months filled with not eating, depression, awful thoughts and feelings, incredible rage and exhaustion.  I was below 100 pounds, weak and miserable.
I was forced into a free fall backwards. Eyes closed, hoping for someone or something to help me out. Luckily, God did catch me.  Just like David in Psalm 91:2, God was my refuge and fortress. He still is because I’m still not over it.  I go through stages but I trust in God’s promise to never leave me in Hebrews 13 verse 5.  I was caught and God is pushing me back up again. I’m still not nearly close to what I was before the accident, but I’m a lot better than I was.
Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” 
I don’t know why an amazing 16 year old boy had to go while so many terrible people are still left out in this world to do bad and harmful things. I don’t know why something so terrible had to happen to such an amazing family like his who have already been through so much. But that’s not for me to decide. God put me on this Earth knowing what I would go through and he knew I could handle it.  1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us that he won’t give us anything we can’t handle.  
God is directing my paths.  I know it because he has put so many opportunities in front of me for me to help others going through the exact same things. I have since talked with numerous girls who have lost their boyfriends and have been able to relate and comfort them because losing your boyfriend is a rare pain.  No one can understand it unless you’ve been through it before. I’m sure the same goes with any kind of pain of losing anyone.
Like I said, things are still rough. I still have my days when I’m really depressed or really sad but things are better than they were those first few months.  No matter what you’re going through or what you’ve been through, just fall.  Close your eyes and let go.  Just lose yourself and fall and let God catch you.  He’s the only one that can.  He’ll catch you and reward you for not turning your back on Him.  And one day, I’ll see him face to face and be able to thank Him for the time He did give me with Taylor, not the time He took away.