By Blake Nicholas
“Cast me not off in the time of old age; Forsake me not when my strength faileth.” – David (Psalm 71:9)
Today, I received two e-mails.  One announced the exciting arrival of a precious new son.  The next:  the unexpected passing of another family’s loved one.  These are the tragedies and triumphs of life.  Life is filled with adjustments, phases, and appointments that most of us have in common.  One phase that is so very heart-wrenching is the dementia that sometimes affects those that we love.  The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke defines dementia as:  “… [A] word for a group of symptoms caused by disorders that affect the brain. It is not a specific disease. People with dementia may not be able to think well enough to do normal activities, such as getting dressed or eating. They may lose their ability to solve problems or control their emotions. Their personalities may change. They may become agitated or see things that are not there.”(www.alzinfo.org/about-alzheimers/dementia?)
We see it all too often.  A grandmother who always treasured her grandchildren now threatens a grandson who tries to prevent her from starting down a treacherous stairway. The aging preacher who could at one time quote literally hundreds of scriptures now can no longer teach or even lead a prayer because he simply can’t find the words to express his thoughts.
Too often, it’s easy to become busy with our own lives and neglect or ignore such decline when it happens to our parents.  Jesus chided those who excused themselves from caring for their aging parents in Mark 7:9-13.    What should we do to provide the best possible days for our moms and dads when they face these challenges?

  1. Seek treatment early.  One resource (www.alz.org) gives the following advice:  “While symptoms of dementia can vary greatly, at least two of the following core mental functions must be significantly impaired to be considered dementia: memory, communication and language, ability to focus and pay attention , reasoning and judgment or visual perception. People with dementia may have problems with short-term memory, keeping track of a purse or wallet, paying bills, planning and preparing meals, remembering appointments or traveling out of the neighborhood…Many dementias are progressive, meaning symptoms start out slowly and gradually get worse…See a doctor soon to determine the cause. Professional evaluation may detect a treatable condition. And even if symptoms suggest dementia, early diagnosis allows a person to get the maximum benefit from available treatments…”  I have personally known of families whose loved ones slowed the onset of dementia by aggressively pursuing medical help.
  2. Protect your loved one.  Times of confusion can lead to danger and injury if we are not attentive.  Gently volunteering to help with a task or suggesting an alternative approach to accomplish the same task will help tremendously.  In most of our lives, the day will come when it is time to surrender our keys for our own protection.  Those who are developing dementia may not recognize when it is time, so we must firmly and lovingly take them for their protection.
  3. Honor your loved one. Paul told the Ephesians “Honor thy father and mother…” (Ephesians 6:3).  In whatever way we find ourselves providing care for suffering parents, we need to preserve and maintain their dignity.  Respect is always right, even when we have to assume authority in the relationship due to dementia.
  4. Love them while you can. As is the case in so many relationships, love must be spelled T-I-M-E.  Responsibilities for parents so often fall to the care of one child, but unless there is only one child, this shouldn’t be.  The gift and sacrifice of time away from the normal schedule to share in providing care for aging parents will never be regretted if we use it wisely.   As they decline, treasure time with them and you will be blessed by the lucid times immeasurably.  The following lyrics were written by Chris Christian (www.markconner.type pad.com/) and summarize what is both our responsibility and privilege as children:

 
The folks that taught us our first words, still have much to say
The silver secrets of the world, lie beneath those crowns of grey
As they approach the end, we change our role from children to best friend
 
We must love them while we can…
For time just seems to hurry by, and the days slip into years
And the moments that we have will disappear
So love them while we can.