Most parents will never forget the seemingly unending task of changing diapers and feeding a newborn baby. Sleep took a back seat, as dependent children made their needs known the only way they knew how—through crying. Parents find themselves on the brink of exhaustion as they struggle to establish routine sleeping and feeding times. But eventually the exhaustion goes away, only to be replaced by the true joys of parenthood.
But for many, the exhaustion has returned—and its not their children or grandchildren. Instead, many “empty nesters” are finding themselves giving round-the-clock care for an elderly parent. The Baby Boom generation has now entered the era of being grandparents and many are going through the cycle of life of burying their parents. However, prior to burial many are faced with serious caregiving in the final years of their parents life. What is a Christian to do?
For many the answer is simple: place them in a good nursing home. Of course the term nursing home has fallen out of favor, and so now we ship our parents to “assisted living” facilities with fancy names like “Aspen Grove Manor.” But the end result is the same. This “out of sight out of mind” approach allows the younger generation to continue living their busy lives without intrusion, and without the daily reminder of their own mortality.
We recognize many elderly individuals require 24-hour skilled care. And we also recognize not every family situation permits children to care for their parents. Having said that, however, we believe many may be shirking their duties to their parents. In this issue of Think we’ve decided to address the care of aging parents.
Let’s begin with hearing God on the matter:
 
Honor widows who are really widows. But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God. Now she who is really a widow, and left alone, trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day. But she who lives in pleasure is dead while she lives. And these things command, that they may be blameless.  But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:3-8).
 
This may seem a little paradoxical when you consider that three different times, in both the New and Old Testaments, we read that when we marry we are to “leave father and mother” (Genesis 2:24,  Matthew 19:5,  Ephesians 5:31).  Are we to leave them, or care for them?  Both. We leave them in the sense that in marriage we create a separate home with it’s own governance, and yet we are still connected to our parents by love and duty that influences how we act when they are aged.
Consider three things from this passage in 1 Timothy:
 

  1. In general, the church is to honor and care for its widows. There is however and exception: the church is not to step ahead of her children and grandchildren in this care.
  2. Children and grandchildren must repay their parents.  They owe a debt to the ones who provided for them when they couldn’t care for themselves.
  3. This command is fortified and strong.  To care for our aged parents is a way to show piety (the quality of being religious, dutiful).  It is acceptable to God.  To fail in this is simply a denial of the faith.
  4. The sin of choosing to not care for one’s “own” is worse than the sin of disbelief.

 
Stop and ask yourself this simple question: What name could Paul have used that would be worse than calling someone an unbeliever? This is obviously a very serious matter.
 
While the Bible is clear, in the real life application of this law there arise complications.  Some parents spend their final days suffering mental disorders. Some homes have sustained deep hurts which make such care challenging.  Some have parents who are so difficult to live with that their children can’t get along with them. Some parents (we may all become this way) are so determined to remain in complete control of their own lives that they resist any attempt their children make to step in and provide care.  Some times there are serious financial constraints.
According to the USNews money department, “The number of people taking care of an aging parent has soared in the past 15 years. MetLife estimates that nearly 10 million adult children over age 50 now care for an aging parent. In 1994, only 3 percent of men and 9 percent of women helped provide basic care for a parent. In 2008, 17 percent of men and 28 percent of women provided such care, which is defined as helping with dressing, feeding, bathing, and other personal care needs. This level of help goes well beyond grocery shopping, driving parents to appointments, and helping them with financial matters. And it’s more stressful as well.”
It may be time in your life for the talk. Put difficult issues on the table with your parents and find out what decisions they would like for you to make should you wind up with the legal power.  Educate yourself with terms such as “power of attorney,”  “living will,” and “healthcare proxy.”
In this issue we will examine financial issues, the question of a nursing home versus bringing parents into our homes, dealing with strong attitudes in aged parents, and a host of other important matters. Reading these articles will be encouraging to those who are living in this phase of life, and hopefully be educational to those who have yet to face it.  As always, we hope you will Think on these things.
 

 
(http://money.usnews.com/money/blogs/the-best-life/2011/07/18/10-tips-for-caring-for-aging-parents)