By Robert Smith, Sr.
[Editor’s Note: Evolution cannot explain the existence of morals. If humans really did evolve from ape-like creatures then there really is no absolute right or wrong. After all, people may simply be acting on their “primeval instinct.” But humans do acknowledge that there are absolute right and wrongs. Using God’s Word as a template, many nations have formed laws that enforce virtuous behavior. The following article reveals what happens when the ideals of morality are thrown to the wind. The old adage of “garbage-in-garbage-out” can clearly be seen as Robert describes his walk that put him behind bars—but from behind those bars he learned about New Testament Christianity and was baptized into Christ. We have purposefully made only minor editions for space considerations.]
My name is Robert Smith, Sr. I am a sinner, saved by the grace of God. I was born on March 14, 1958, in Eustis, Florida. Our home, growing up, was very unstable and abusive. We were taken away from our parents many times and passed around to other family members. As time passed so quickly by, I became bitter, hurt, and I felt unwanted. I began to give my parents a hard time. I started skipping school, running away from home, stealing and doing whatever else I could get into. At age 14, I set one of the portables at school on fire. I got caught and was kicked out of school. As a result, I was not allowed to go to any of the schools in the county.
I was searching for something that would give me peace, happiness, and most of all to be loved. I hadn’t found it, so I tried smoking pot, then acid, and later mushroom tea. None of these was working, so I began drinking alcohol, whiskey, or whatever I could get my hands on. After a year or so of mixing all these things together, I was at the end of my rope. On December 23, 1973, I stole my grandpa’s .22 caliber pistol out of his house and shot myself in the stomach. The pistol was a .22 hollow point and it separated upon impact to my stomach. A piece of lead came out of my back. My parents told me the doctor said that I “died” three times on the table. I was in the hospital for several months as my body slowly healed.
After I got well again, I went right back to getting into trouble, in and out of detention centers for juveniles. I just got worse and worse until 1975. I was 17 yrs. old. I threw three fire bombs on a small store where I lived. It was made of three Pepsi bottles filled with gas and a rag stuffed in the top, and I lit them and threw them. No one got hurt. But they caught me as usual. This time was different. The judge waived me over as an adult, and sentenced me to ten years in the Department of Corrections. It was a split ten years. I had two five-year sentences running consecutively. That means I did one five-year sentence, then started the second. Well, I did, and got paroled on the second five-year sentence.
I got out in March of 1979. But, I hadn’t changed and went back to drinking, and in 1980, I violated my parole and was sent back to prison. As time passed by, I was paroled again in February of 1982. Again, I hadn’t changed. In July of 1982, I was riding my daddy’s motorcycle and a car hit me and broke my left leg in 4 places. So now I couldn’t work, and was limited to what I could do. I had a cast on from my foot to my hip.
A month or so later, I was introduced to a woman and we became friends. Then in December of 1982, we got married. In the years to come we had three beautiful daughters and a son. But I kept on drinking and getting in trouble. So we moved away to the northern part of Florida. Then in 1997, I was arrested for grand theft, and was sent back to prison with a 33 month sentence. I was sent to Florida State Prison Work Camp.
I worked outside the fences at the waste water plant. I had this crazy idea that I had to die in order to get out of my situation. I had lost my freedom again, and was away from my wife and kids. In the mornings when I went to work, I would get me a cup of coffee and pour half of it out and fill the cup back up with the anti-freeze that was in the radiators of the motors in the plant. But it didn’t work. I did this for several weeks, several times a day. Then, I really got myself into trouble by lying on someone else. They sent me next door to Florida State Prison’s Main Unit—that’s where they execute people. I was put in a 6 x 9 single-man cell. I got to shower and shave only 3 times a week, other than that, I was in that cell 24 hrs. a day, 7 days a week. When my wife and kids came to see me, we had our visits in the same room as death row inmates. That was not an easy feeling. That’s when my wife informed me she had found someone else and wanted a divorce.
At this point in my life, I had lost everything, so the desire I had to die was fueled even more. So, using some nylon plastic coated clothes line in my cell, I hung myself. But it broke. I just didn’t want to live anymore. I was sick-and-tired of being sick-and-tired. So I got this bright idea to crush up my light bulb in my cell in a milk carton and use coffee to swallow the glass. Maybe it would cut my guts open and I would bleed to death, so I did it. But I passed every bit of that glass and never bled a drop.
Eventually, I was placed in confinement and they took everything from me, even my clothes. All that I had was a plastic mattress and a piece of cloth wrapped around my waist. One evening, as I was lying there on that mattress, I went to crying. I mean I was crying like I have never cried before and I said; “Lord, help me.” That was the beginning of my relationship with God—in that 6 x 9 cell. It was in that cell that I finally found the love I was so desperately looking for. God loved me! God had a job for me, and praise God, ever since then I have been doing it—that is telling everyone I can about the great things God has done in my life. That night I sang Amazing Grace and realized it’s God’s Grace (Jesus) would save a wretch like me.
Two months later, I left there and went to Union Correctional Institution, where I met Gary Wyder, the Lake Butler church of Christ prison minister. I’ll never forget what he said to me. He did not try to push religion on me. But rather, he said “come see what’s going on.” I did and then became a New Testament Christian. I spent fourteen months in his class, then I got transferred.
In January of 2003, I was able, by the grace of God, to sit down and talk to Governor Jeb Bush of Florida. I told him about the prison ministry I was involved in. I wanted to open a transitional house which would be called the “House of Grace.” I’ve been involved in the prison ministry for four years. April, 2006, will mark the six-year anniversary of being out of prison. There are many, many events that I left out. But the most important point is the dramatic change in life—a change that only occurred because of Jesus Christ. I now know He exists and He has changed my life. He will do it for anyone—because He loves all of us (John 3:16; Deuteronomy 23:5). He has given me a new life and a new way of dealing with everyday life. He has given me, and you, everything pertaining to life and godliness. I now know love and I know there is a right and wrong.
If you would like to know more about how God has changed my life or would like to get involved in prison ministry or The House of Grace please feel free to contact me:
Robert Smith
P.O. Box 331
Worthington Springs, FL 32697
Please pray for me and my family that God’s will be done in our lives.
