By J. Clay Young
Did that get your attention? Good. Now maybe you’ll “hear” the rest of what’s on my mind. Of course children need to hear “I love you” from their dads, but too many fathers attempt to show their kids they love them in ways that are inconsistent with what fatherhood is all about. A father needs to spend lots of time with his son or daughter. Not a few minutes over a kiddy meal at a fast food restaurant, but serious time. Time throwing ball in the backyard—blowing bubbles together—putting worms on hooks and hoping to catch just one fish. Father and child spending time in activities that take no real talent, and absolutely no special equipment. Just time. Yes, time, and plenty of it. Time spent getting to know one another. Sounds simple enough doesn’t it? But, how many Christian fathers are not participating in these “Norman Rockwell” family moments; moments those children never forget.
Unfortunately, too many fathers are working long hours, week after week, year after year, and providing everything money can buy for the kiddos. And, when dad does find a little time away from the office, he’s on the golf course or spending time in some other buddy bonding activity. Don’t get me wrong. There’s not a thing wrong with hanging out with the guys, getting a little exercise and building strong friendships. The problem is when families, and in particular children, are left holding an empty bag of promises—promises that seem to be on eternal hold. Most dads have the best of intentions in raising their children and do a great job of providing for their physical needs. But, there are needs that are just as important as food, clothing and shelter. In fact, more important. Children long to be wanted and even needed by their fathers. Doesn’t that sound nice? For a father to actually need his children!
My dad and I spent lots of time hunting, fishing, and even a little camping together. Those are some wonderful memories. So good, sometimes, I wish my dad were still around so I could take him fishing. But, it wasn’t just those times of fun activities and special bonding time, as we call it today. It was how he dealt with me around the house. Whenever there was a project to do, like building a patio or finishing out the basement for some extra space in our small, but adequate house, my dad included me. He wanted me to help. Not that I knew how to do those things, but he wanted me to be involved. He made me feel like he couldn’t do those jobs without my help. The truth is, as I look back, he probably could have finished most of those projects more quickly if I had been off doing something else and out of his way. He took advantage of those and taught me a few practical skills. No, I’m not a great builder, but at least I can drive a nail, thanks to my dad.
Just try something. The next time your son or daughter asks if you have time to (fill in the blank), say “absolutely”. Stop whatever it is you’re doing that the world can’t live without and focus all of your attention on your child. Let them think you can’t live without them for that few minutes. I promise you, they’ll think you hung the moon—and the stars. And just think, some day when you’re spending your last days in a nursing home, wouldn’t it be nice for your children to know you need them. Because then, you will. And they’ll come, because they know how much you love them—not because you told them, but because you showed them. And as my dad always said, “talk is cheap.” He was what some would call “a man of few words”, but, he showed me frequently.
Make sure you’re showing your kids you care about them, love them, and can’t live without them. You won’t regret one second. Once they’re grown and gone, and raising a family of their own, the golf course will still be there and the game will be just as frustrating. But then, you can enjoy the game without the guilt. Even more, you’ll enjoy the memories you’ve built with your children. Take another look at Psalm 127:3-5. Now, go grab a fishing pole and “show” the kids how much you love them.
