When I was in my last year of college, I was helping move some boxes for an event. There were more guys than girls there. Normally, when there’s physical labor involved, I don’t mind doing a little heavy lifting if it helps someone out. However, I was caught off-guard when one of my male colleagues asked me if the crate I was holding was too heavy, and he offered to carry it for me along with the crate he was carrying already. I told him that I was fine, and that I could carry it. After a hesitant “Are you sure?” from him and a confident “Yep,” from me, we moved on with the job. Soon after that, I noticed something peculiar: the girls around me were stepping back to let the guys take care of the work.

Huh.

So, I stepped back and followed suit.

That moment, though small, impacted me. Growing up, I was raised to accept chivalry as it came to me in my life, but I also was raised to help physically if need be. The lesson I learned that day was that even though I could do something, maybe letting a man help me out – doing exactly what he’s called to do by God – would actually benefit us both in the long run.

I’ve seen examples of chivalry throughout my life – primarily through my dad, who to this day still puts my mom in the car every time they go anywhere – but in this day and age, it’s very easy for me as a woman to say, “I can do the same thing any man can.”

Independence is important, sure. However, if we as Christian women take over the roles men have been given by God, we both may be missing out. So, to prevent rejecting chivalry, here are a couple of ways we can accept it.

We need to respect that men are serving us.

Jesus has called all of us to a life of service through His message and His example. In fact, we as women have been called to be helpmeets for our spouses since the beginning (Genesis 2:18). However, not only are we called to respect the men in our lives, but men are called to a similar role in that they are to love their wives (Ephesians 5:22-25). This contributes greatly to the fact that men serve us through love, and often that service is conducted through acts of chivalry. The concept of chivalry itself is placing someone else’s needs before your own, so in this way, it makes sense.

After Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, Jesus told them, “…Do you know what I have done to you? You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.  Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them” (John 13:12b-17). Jesus has directly called us to serve others through His example. Men are being servants towards us when they are chivalrous, and we should accept the service they are pouring out to us.

Depending on their background and how they were raised, lots of men have been taught to be chivalrous. As such, we should let them do as they were taught and as they are called. This transitions into my second point…

We need to let men be chivalrous to us.

In order for men to serve us as He called them to serve, we have to allow chivalry to actually happen. This means letting them open the door for us, letting them pull out the chair at dinner, and letting them generally treat us women well without brushing their actions off as “no big deal.”

Let’s go back to the example of Jesus washing His disciples’ feet. When Peter realizes what Jesus is doing, his aghast reaction is visible on the page. “You shall never wash my feet!” he exclaims in John 13:8. However, Jesus gently tells him to accept the service being done for him, even when it was unthinkable at the time that Jesus would perform such a menial and almost lowly task.

Now, he doesn’t have to wait on you hand and foot, and I’m aware that chivalry is often background- or even region-based, but if he doesn’t treat you with courtesy and respect, he may not be someone you want to have a relationship with, let alone marry.  Men need to be active in their respect towards all people, including – and especially – parents, siblings, young children, the elderly, and – something we often don’t think about – wait staff at restaurants. This is a factor that we as women should consider when it comes time to choose a husband.

That being said, you shouldn’t discount him and not let him go out of his way to serve you or treat you in a special way. If you’re dating or married, let him spontaneously shower you with roses and gifts if he’s able and so inclined. If you’re still young, let your Dad, brothers, and even your guy friends do nice things for you. With all of these cases, verbally and audibly thank them for their actions. They are fulfilling their calling as given by Christ.

In conclusion, we as Christian women should embrace chivalry. It’s meant to be an act of service that follows the example Christ set before mankind, and it will benefit all parties involved – men performing the acts of chivalry, and women being gracious in their accepting of those acts – to allow it to happen and to thrive. Who knows, maybe we won’t hear the phrase “chivalry is dead” as much if we allow it to live in the first place.

By Savannah Cottrell