{"id":3995,"date":"2017-05-02T02:31:20","date_gmt":"2017-05-02T07:31:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tampaseo.expert\/focus\/?p=3995"},"modified":"2017-05-02T02:31:20","modified_gmt":"2017-05-02T07:31:20","slug":"10-actions-to-avoid-for-a-better-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tampaseo.expert\/focus\/2017\/05\/02\/10-actions-to-avoid-for-a-better-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Actions to Avoid for a Better Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>All of the problems that are listed among the top reasons for divorce could potentially be solved if people were willing to communicate with one another. In general, people are not as discordant in their views as one might expect in Christian counseling situations.\u00a0 In all types of communication, there are various things to consider and different factors that can influence how well people can communicate.\u00a0 Marriage is of no exception.\u00a0 For a while, let us consider some suggestions that might help people to communicate with their spouses and other people better.<br \/>\n<i>Avoid assigning nefarious motives to communications<\/i>.\u00a0 We must learn to be honest with one another and take each other at face value.\u00a0 2 Corinthians 8:21 says, \u201cProviding for honest things, not only in the sight of the Lord, but also in the sight of men.\u201d\u00a0 While we may have an idea of what our spouse is thinking, we should avoid jumping to conclusions about what they are saying.\u00a0 We must allow others to fully express themselves and take them for what they say.\u00a0 On the flip side, telling lies in a marriage nearly makes it impossible to avoid assigning motives.<br \/>\n<i>Avoid making all communications and deeds negative in nature; especially when the intention is pure and good in nature<\/i>.\u00a0 Have you ever heard the old clich\u00e9 \u201cIf you ever start to dislike something about someone, pretty soon you won\u2019t like anything about them!\u201d\u00a0 There is a modicum of truth to this statement.\u00a0 John 7.24 says, \u201cJudge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.\u201d\u00a0 If you are having a disagreement with someone, do not assume that all they have to offer is bad.<br \/>\n<i>Avoid dealing with multiple conflictual issues at one time<\/i>.\u00a0 When one attempts to offer all of his grievances at once, the person he is speaking with can become confused and overwhelmed.\u00a0 This can cloud the real issue of conflict under consideration.\u00a0 We should avoid being continually contentious in our communications.\u00a0 Proverbs 21:19 says, \u201c<i>It is<\/i> better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0This same principle is applied to men in Proverbs 26:21, which says, \u201c<i>As<\/i> coals <i>are<\/i> to burning coals, and wood to fire; so <i>is<\/i> a contentious man to kindle strife.\u201d<br \/>\n<i>Avoid pulling additional parties (i.e. children, in-laws, and friends) into conflictual situations<\/i>.\u00a0 Marriage is a leaving and cleaving institution.\u00a0It is not healthy for a married person to work at making allies against their spouse in marital conflict; especially if that ally is a member of their family. This can result in more anger and embarrassment for the one who has a coalition formed against him. Matthew 19:5-6 says, \u201cAnd said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?\u00a0 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.\u201d The primary unit in a family is the husband and wife.\u00a0 No person should become an interloper in that God authorized union.<br \/>\n<i>Avoid having major arguments in front of children<\/i>.\u00a0 Small disagreements are okay for children to overhear, because they need to learn how parents work through their problems.\u00a0 Ephesians 6:4 says, \u201cAnd, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.\u201d \u00a0Major or mature topics (such as sex) should never be aired out in front of children.<br \/>\n<i>Avoid interpreting \u201cneutral\u201d issues as negatives<\/i>.\u00a0 There are areas of conflict that have no overarching importance.\u00a0 That is, they boil down to a matter of preferences or opinions.<br \/>\n<i>Avoid personal attacks when discussing grievances<\/i>.\u00a0 It is possible to disagree with someone without being disagreeable.\u00a0 As a marriage and family counselor, I have heard people say things to one another that most would never consider saying to a complete stranger.\u00a0 Treat your mate with respect, love, and dignity.\u00a0 Proverbs 25:11 says, \u201cA word fitly spoken <i>is like<\/i> apples of gold in pictures of silver.\u201d<br \/>\n<i>Avoid having arguments in public<\/i>.\u00a0 This can be very embarrassing for one who is being berated in a public setting.\u00a0 This would include social media pages such as <i>Facebook<\/i>.\u00a0 We should never be willing to air out our dirty laundry in public.<br \/>\n<i>Avoid allowing you anger to linger for a long period of time<\/i>.\u00a0 We are told in scripture to avoid this very thing in all manners of communication.\u00a0 Ephesians 4:26 says, \u201cBe ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.\u201d\u00a0 One characteristic of a strong marriage is that they work out their problems at the earliest possible convenience.\u00a0 Allowing the conflict to go on unresolved can present greater problems for couples later on in the marriage.<br \/>\nFinally, <i>never, never, never hit one another in the middle of a heated argument<\/i>.\u00a0 This goes for men and women.\u00a0 Ephesians 5:28-29 says, \u201cSo ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.\u00a0 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.\u201d\u00a0 There is never an excuse for striking or pushing one\u2019s mate.\u00a0 As mature human beings, we should be able to work out our differences without reverting to violence.<br \/>\nCommunication is the key to solving many if not all of the problems in a marriage.\u00a0 If couples will attempt to talk about the issues that separate them, greater harmony, acceptance and love can be developed in the relationship.<br \/>\n<strong>By Dr. Johnny O. Trail, MFT<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>All of the problems that are listed among the top reasons for divorce could potentially be solved if people were willing to communicate with one another. In general, people are not as discordant in their views as one might expect in Christian counseling situations.\u00a0 In all types of communication, there are various things to consider [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3996,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"give_campaign_id":0,"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[20,59,52,26],"tags":[856,538,36,120,204,854,25],"class_list":["post-3995","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-all","category-christian-living","category-family","category-marriagehomosexuality","tag-communication","tag-conflict","tag-divorce","tag-family","tag-guest","tag-johnny-trail","tag-marriage","et-has-post-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>10 Actions to Avoid for a Better Marriage - Focus Press<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/tampaseo.expert\/focus\/2017\/05\/02\/10-actions-to-avoid-for-a-better-marriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"10 Actions to Avoid for a Better Marriage - Focus Press\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"All of the problems that are listed among the top reasons for divorce could potentially be solved if people were willing to communicate with one another. 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