{"id":24953,"date":"2020-06-14T21:17:56","date_gmt":"2020-06-15T02:17:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tampaseo.expert\/focus\/?p=24953"},"modified":"2020-06-14T21:17:56","modified_gmt":"2020-06-15T02:17:56","slug":"self-hatred-vs-the-gospel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tampaseo.expert\/focus\/2020\/06\/14\/self-hatred-vs-the-gospel\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-hatred vs. the Gospel"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><em>The following is a feature from the June 2020 issue of <\/em>Think<em> magazine, an issue focused on worldly self-love vs. Biblical self-care. To subscribe, <a href=\"https:\/\/tampaseo.expert\/focus\/product-category\/think\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">click here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n<p>I apologize as this may be a weird, uncomfortable, challenging article, but I write it because I was led to a weird, uncomfortable, challenging conclusion recently: I hate myself.<\/p>\n\n\n<p>I\u2019ve long been familiar with the term self-loathing or self-hatred, and naturally it has always sounded like a terrible condition. I\u2019ve always felt bad for those who struggle with it. But I assumed it entailed walking around all day telling yourself how terrible you are, not being able to look at yourself in the mirror, and the like. The symptoms aren\u2019t always quite that extreme, though. They can seem normal, and it\u2019s easy to convince one\u2019s self that everybody probably goes through the same things. A few examples from my person experience:<\/p>\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>I can\u2019t make friends. In most of my interactions with people I assume that I\u2019m wasting their time and so I keep the interactions only as long as necessary. I don\u2019t invite people to spend time with me because I assume that they have a million other things they\u2019d rather do.<\/li><li>I struggle responding to messages from people because I assume they will think negatively of my response if I don\u2019t get it just right. (If you\u2019ve ever sent me a short, harmless message and waited days for a response, now you know why.)<\/li><li>I can\u2019t accept compliments from others. It makes me deeply uncomfortable anytime someone says something nice about me, and I try to steer the conversation in another direction as quickly as possible.<\/li><li>I constantly have to have goals in life to feel like I\u2019m striving for something, but accomplishing them never brings any joy. I hit my weight loss goal\u2026 but I\u2019m still too heavy. I wrote a book and had it published\u2026 but people will probably think it\u2019s stupid. At the heart of it all, I can\u2019t be kind to myself. There\u2019s always something to nitpick that I did wrong, or didn\u2019t do well enough. I can never be happy with who I am as Christian, or preacher, or husband, or human. I go to sleep at night thinking about the next thing I have to change about myself. For the longest time I viewed that as a good thing\u2014a hunger to improve. I had no idea how wrong I was.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n<p>Dealing with those problems one at a time, they can all be easy to explain away for some reason or another. Taken altogether, though, these symptoms indicate that I view myself as unworthy of love, praise, or attention. Though it\u2019s incredibly out of character for me to open up about myself in such raw terms (again, I don\u2019t feel myself worthy of such attention), I decided to publish this article for two reasons.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n<p><strong>First, I\u2019m writing because I hope it\u2019s helpful to others.<\/strong> I\u2019m not opening up about this looking for pity, so please don\u2019t take it that way. I\u2019m sharing because I\u2019m certain there are plenty of others like me. And, for those people, it\u2019s entirely possible they can relate to some or all of these symptoms. More importantly, they might have these symptoms without understanding the deep-seated issue that connects them. For me, I knew I struggled to make friends, or that it felt awkward when someone said something nice about me. But I had no idea those problems existed because I held such an unbiblical view of myself. Knowing that has given me the ability to work on the problem, and so I hope this article can help someone else in the same way.<\/p>\n\n\n<p><strong>Second, I\u2019m writing because it\u2019s important that people know the right answers to the problem.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n<p>With the rise in mental health awareness, discussions of issues like self-loathing are easy to find. Seems like every blogger, podcaster, and Instagrammer has some kind of message on the issue. Unfortunately, most of them leave God out of the equation. Those that do factor God into their message often do so by twisting Scriptures like Jeremiah 29:11 and Philippians 4:13 to say something they don\u2019t mean. Incorrect solutions to our problems won\u2019t help us get better, but beyond that they typically make things worse in the process. Some of those incorrect solutions:<\/p>\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>The answer is not to tell myself how \u201cawesome\u201d I am. This is the message preached from the rooftops to young people today. They\u2019re constantly told that the way out is to realize how great we are. The problem is, we all inevitably get into situations that remind us just how weak and broken we are. We find out quite quickly that \u201cI\u2019m awesome\u201d is a lie when we revert into a sin struggle, or fail at some work or school task, or come short in some other way. It rings so hollow as celebrities and internet famous people tell us to love ourselves, because the unspoken implication is, \u201cYou have to love yourself, because there\u2019s no guarantee someone else will.\u201d&nbsp;<\/li><li>The answer is not to open up the Bible looking for verses that tell me how great I am. There is a true, wonderful, Biblical answer to this problem, but it is not found in using a self-centered approach to the Scriptures. Inserting ourself into verses, taking them out of context, and claiming promises that weren\u2019t intended for us does not make things better. It just deludes us.&nbsp;<\/li><li>The answer is not to accept the problem and \u201ctough it out.\u201d This was often the message in days gone by, the message that caused the pendulum swing we\u2019re seeing today toward total openness in mental health discussions. God placed people around us for a reason. He wants us to weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15) and bear one another\u2019s burdens (Galatians 6:2), and that requires us to let others know about our problems. That doesn\u2019t mean we wallow in our problems or constantly keep others at our mercy. It means letting someone know when we\u2019re struggling and asking them to pray for us. Bottling it up and trying to \u201ctough it out\u201d worked in the short term, but it led to all kinds of consequences long term. Picking a scab over and over is unhealthy, but it\u2019s even more unhealthy to leave the wound infected and never treat it.&nbsp;<\/li><li>The answer is not to be judgmental or bitter toward others in order to bring them down with you. Self-hating can lead toward a cynicism and dislike of others that is horribly unchristian. But viewing others negatively does nothing to help ourselves or them.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n<p>Instead, the answer is found in a thorough understanding of God\u2019s Word. The creation narrative shows us just how much value God placed on human life. He made Adam in His own image, created him by hand, placed him in a beautiful garden and gave him purpose and companionship. Each and every human life has that inherent value as a unique creation of the almighty God.<\/p>\n\n\n<p>Still, we struggle. Human relationships leave their scars on us. Our own struggle with sin makes us feel dirty and unlovable. That\u2019s where the love of Christ comes in. \u201cWhile we were still sinners, Christ died for us\u201d (Romans 5:8b). He took us from enemies and reconciled us to being His children (Romans 5:10, Colossians 1:21). Unlike those verses taken out of context, when we see the whole picture we realize that God\u2019s love is even greater. He doesn\u2019t love us because we\u2019re \u201cawesome.\u201d He loves us no matter what. He loves us when we\u2019re the prodigal who has disappointed Him. He loves us when we\u2019re Zaccheus or the sinful woman, whom society has cast out. He loves us when we think we\u2019re unlovable. That\u2019s what we so desperately need to hear.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s a struggle grappling with the negativity I feel toward myself. Though I\u2019ve known these powerful truths my entire life, they don\u2019t always sink in and give the peace I so desperately need. That\u2019s why it\u2019s important to not just read the Bible, but to meditate on it. Give the truth of God\u2019s love the chance to truly take root in your mind. It\u2019s important to be able to stop those negative thought patterns in their tracks and replace them with truth from God\u2019s Word. Similarly, it\u2019s important to share these struggles with people in the family God has given us who can remind us of the Good News and offer a loving course correction when we drift toward self-hatred.<\/p>\n\n\n<p>For those of us who grew up in the church, we\u2019ve probably heard \u201cJesus Loves Me\u201d sung a thousand times. It\u2019s easy to miss the weight of that so-called kids song. \u201cJesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so\u201d is a life-changing fact. It changes lives because it tells us we\u2019re loved. It tells us we\u2019re valued. It goes on to remind us that though we are weak, He is strong. My worth does not come from my greatness, my strength, my accomplishments. My worth comes from the fact that, even at my worst, the King of Kings loved me enough to die for me.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n<p>Like so many of the bad things in life, the world can correctly diagnose the problem. Where they fall short is in their solutions. Our only hope is in Jesus Christ. He is the answer to all of our problems. Whatever your struggle may be, whether you share mine or have one of your own, realize that relying on ourselves only leads to pain and future collapse. Cast your cares upon Him, because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The following is a feature from the June 2020 issue of Think magazine, an issue focused on worldly self-love vs. Biblical self-care. To subscribe, click here. I apologize as this may be a weird, uncomfortable, challenging article, but I write it because I was led to a weird, uncomfortable, challenging conclusion recently: I hate myself. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":24954,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"give_campaign_id":0,"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[20,59,66],"tags":[519,677,23,843,844],"class_list":["post-24953","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-all","category-christian-living","category-think-excerpts","tag-care","tag-depression","tag-jack","tag-mental-health","tag-self","et-has-post-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Self-hatred vs. the Gospel - Focus Press<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/tampaseo.expert\/focus\/2020\/06\/14\/self-hatred-vs-the-gospel\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Self-hatred vs. the Gospel - Focus Press\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The following is a feature from the June 2020 issue of Think magazine, an issue focused on worldly self-love vs. Biblical self-care. 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