He couldn\u2019t have been much more than 12 years old.<\/p>\n
As I hurriedly rounded the grocery store aisle, my unobstructed line of sight gave me a view of the publication\u00a0open in his hand: a page of bikini models. I kept moving and assume he kept looking. Several times since,\u00a0I\u2019ve thought about that incident. Although I said nothing to him (he was a stranger), I wish I would have told him\u00a0how potentially dangerous his actions were\u2026how the consequences are lifelong\u2026how his future happiness\u00a0would be destroyed. What he was doing at that very moment was the first step down a long and sad road of addiction\u00a0to pornography.<\/p>\n
I WISH I HAD TOLD HIM HE WOULD BECOME CHEMICALLY DEPENDENT.<\/strong><\/p>\n It was something he would all too soon understand. He would find himself going back there, though he would\u00a0tell himself he wouldn\u2019t. But it would happen again and again. He would \u201c\u2026 enjoy the passing pleasures\u201d (Hebrews\u00a011:25) of those pictures. But immediately would come sin\u2019s aftertaste\u2014guilt, shame, and brokenness.\u00a0He would seek healing for his feelings, but the shame, stigma, and fear of what others would think would deceptively\u00a0lead him back to the same place for healing.<\/p>\n Few people plunge into the well of sexually deviant behavior from the top. But, through the vehicle of pornography,\u00a0they draw it to the surface bucket by bucket. Every time they taste the forbidden water, they want it again.\u00a0They returned to the well with bucket in hand.\u00a0How can a person become chemically dependent when no chemicals are present? Addicts often tell of a \u201crush\u201d\u00a0triggered by the thought of acting out. What\u2019s happening? According to Dr. Doug Weiss of Heart to Heart Counseling\u00a0Center, \u201cThe biological addict is someone who has conditioned the body to receive endorphins and enkephlines\u00a0(brain chemicals) primarily through reinforcing a fantasy state with the ejaculation that provides these chemicals\u00a0to the brain.\u201d<\/p>\n According to researcher Patrick Carnes in Don\u2019t Call it Love<\/span>: \u201cOne of the most destructive parts\u00a0of sex addiction is that you literally carry your own source of supply\u201d (30).\u00a0Mark Laasar, author of Faithful and True<\/span>, says there are three building blocks of pornography addiction: sexual\u00a0fantasy, pornography, and masturbation. \u201cThe three\u2026work together. Fantasy is created by a need to satisfy\u00a0deep longings. Pornography displays images of how to do that. Masturbation is the physical expression of\u00a0perhaps the only touching or nurturing that the addict receives. The three of them are involved in a cycle. Pornography\u00a0stimulates fantasy. Fantasy needs to be expressed. Masturbation allows a \u2018release\u2019 of that need.\u201d Laaser\u00a0notes the major problem with this cycle: \u201cWhile it may satisfy the physical need for sex, it never satisfies the emotional\u00a0and spiritual hunger that rests deep in the soul\u201d (29).<\/p>\n I WISH I HAD TOLD HIM ABOUT THE LIFE OF LIES.<\/strong><\/p>\n I doubt the 12-year-old boy went home and told his parents about the magazine. I doubt he told his friends.\u00a0He wouldn\u2019t tell his preacher or Bible school teacher. In three to four years, he\u2019ll be taking a girl on a date. He\u00a0likely won\u2019t mention it to her. But all this time, it would gnaw at him. And there is one person he would flat-out\u00a0lie to about all of it\u2013\u2013himself!\u00a0With addiction, Satan\u2019s victim is locked in when he says he doesn\u2019t have a problem. He can say this in \u00a0\u00a0myriad of ways. He can say, \u201cI\u2019m going to do this one last time,\u201d \u201cThis doesn\u2019t affect me the way it does an addict,\u201d\u00a0or \u201cI don\u2019t really have a problem, and I can stop whenever I want.\u201d Saying any of these things is spelling\u00a0out \u201cdenial.\u201d<\/p>\n The truth is, that which he seeks to control is controlling him. Romans 6:12 states, \u201cTherefore do not let sin\u00a0reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts.\u201d\u00a0The addict is governed by this dictator. Romans 6:16, 21 describes it: \u201cDo you not know that to whom you\u00a0present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one\u2019s slaves whom you obey? \u2026What fruit did you have then\u00a0in the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death.\u201d<\/p>\n End-of-life reflections by noted serial killers Gary Bishop and Ted Bundy only reinforce this. Bishop wrote in\u00a0a letter after his conviction: \u201cPornography was a determining factor in my downfall \u2026. Finding and procuring\u00a0sexually arousing materials became an obsession\u2026. My conscience was desensitized, and my sexual appetite\u00a0entirely controlled my actions\u201d (Cline 9). It sounds a lot like 2 Peter 2:14. This passage describes the evil conduct\u00a0of false teachers, but its relevance to the present discussion cannot be overstated:\u201c\u2026 Having eyes full of\u00a0adultery and that cannot cease from sin.\u201d The Revised Standard and English Standard have this identical translation: “They have eyes full of adultery, insatiable for sin.\u201d<\/p>\n In an interview just hours before his execution, Bundy\u00a0said he had been exposed to escalating levels of pornography since an early age. He stated, \u201cYou are going to\u00a0kill me, and that will protect society from me. But out there are many, many more people who are addicted to\u00a0pornography, and you are doing nothing about that\u201d (Cline 9).<\/p>\n Do you think Bishop and Bundy lived a life of lies? Do you think at some early point they told themselves they\u00a0could handle this by themselves, and perhaps that it wasn\u2019t hurting anyone?\u00a0Let it be stated emphatically that every child or teenager exposed to pornography will not become these men.\u00a0However, one does not have to be a serial killer, or even a felon, to have a life filled with unrelenting misery.<\/p>\n I WISH I HAD TOLD HIM THAT IT WOULD WOUND THE ONES HE LOVES.<\/strong><\/p>\n God created a beautiful gift of sexuality for a married couple, but the blades of pornography addiction rip the\u00a0fibers of that gift. The spouse of a pornography addict wonders why she can\u2019t satisfy his appetite. (It\u2019s because\u00a0the appetite is out of control.) The partner is not part of the fantasy world that has engulfed her spouse, and so\u00a0she feels isolated. Because the sin is secret, the spouse feels betrayed of the trust she has put into her marriage.\u00a0Trust is an imperative component in a successful relationship.<\/p>\n Because the addict cannot cope with his struggle in a healthy way, the tumultuous internal storms begin to\u00a0surface in outward rage with some. \u201cOut-of-control behavior becomes the norm\u201d (Carnes 29).\u00a0I wanted to tell this 12-year-old boy that his beautiful wife\u2019s tears would one day stream down a map of broken\u00a0dreams, and that they would need to seek professional help to salvage their God-given union.<\/p>\n I WISH I HAD TOLD HIM THAT\u00a0SECRECY WOULD FUEL THE FIRE.<\/strong><\/p>\n This is key. If there is one thing that should be communicated\u00a0to every person struggling with pornography,\u00a0it is this\u2013\u2013tell it. You don\u2019t have to announce it; it\u00a0doesn\u2019t have to be (and probably shouldn\u2019t be) public,\u00a0but in order to find real healing, it must be told. As long\u00a0as the enslaved keeps his secret to himself, no matter\u00a0how determined he is to stop, he will \u201creturn to his own\u00a0vomit \u2026 to \u2026 wallowing in the mire\u201d (2 Peter 2:22).<\/p>\n On the beautiful flipside, if an addict is continuously communicating\u00a0openly and specifically with another about\u00a0temptations, weaknesses, and struggles, it\u2019s a daily vaccine\u00a0for protection from the enemy.\u00a0It is so Biblical. \u201cConfess your trespasses to one another\u201d\u00a0(James 5:16). God gave an accountability directive\u00a0before man ever thought of it.<\/p>\n