{"id":1294,"date":"2015-07-07T04:02:39","date_gmt":"2015-07-07T09:02:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/focuspressblog.com\/?p=1294"},"modified":"2015-07-07T04:02:39","modified_gmt":"2015-07-07T09:02:39","slug":"heart-of-the-matter-dating","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tampaseo.expert\/focus\/2015\/07\/07\/heart-of-the-matter-dating\/","title":{"rendered":"Heart of the Matter: Dating"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"p1\"><em>Having looked into the tearful eyes of parents whose children have abandoned the Faith, I have learned there are a million miles between our\u00a0<\/em><em>children \u201cgoing through the motions\u201d in reference to their spiritual lives\u00a0<\/em><em>versus our children possessing hearts that dictate their actions. In this\u00a0<\/em><em>column, I plan to share with you what I hope to instill in the hearts of my\u00a0<\/em><em>own children and those whom I love.<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">It can come in the form of a song, the\u00a0name of a city, or a neighborhood. It can\u00a0even sprout from a particular food, restaurant,\u00a0or the smell of familiar perfume.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Having given your heart to a high school\u00a0sweetheart, those memories of young\u00a0love come crashing back in a single\u00a0instant without a moment\u2019s notice. And\u00a0sadly, the memory they bring is a reminder\u00a0that our husband or wife is not the only\u00a0person who has possessed a portion of\u00a0our hearts.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">In the church we occasionally teach on\u00a0the importance of abstinence before marriage.\u00a0We wrongly assume that by avoiding\u00a0sexual relations before marriage we\u00a0have completely obeyed God\u2019s will\u00a0regarding dating and relationships.\u00a0However, that\u2019s only part of the equation.\u00a0We often neglect the importance of\u00a0guarding our hearts and remaining pure.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">There is an enormous difference in\u00a0Biblical purity vs. technical virginity\u2014one that is rarely taught or spoken about.\u00a0Many parents view it a \u201csuccess\u201d if their\u00a0children are not caught \u201cin bed\u201d with\u00a0someone before marriage. We think nothing\u00a0of our children dating dozens of individuals,\u00a0as long as they can walk down\u00a0the aisle a \u201ctechnical virgin\u201d on their wedding\u00a0day (or given today\u2019s standard, at\u00a0least without a baby on the way). But do\u00a0we ever really teach our children how or\u00a0why they should guard their hearts?<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\"><strong>Here\u2019s what I intend on teaching\u00a0my children about protecting\u00a0their hearts.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Hopefully by now you\u2019ve learned that I\u00a0am a big proponent of not blaming your\u00a0parents for every \u201cissue\u201d that you struggle\u00a0with when you are older (remember this\u00a0when you are out of our house!). At some\u00a0point you must \u201crise above your raising.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Having said that, there is an area in which\u00a0I wish my parents had been more diligent\u00a0(read that \u201cmeaner\u201d) during my teenage\u00a0years. I hope to do a better job in this area\u00a0with you as you mature and start looking\u00a0for a mate.\u00a0My parents were like the vast majority of\u00a0parents during the 1980-90s.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">They allowed\u00a0me to date young ladies and thought nothing\u00a0of me having a different girlfriend\u00a0every few months. As I grew older I would\u00a0date the same person for months or even\u00a0years\u2014going to restaurants, watching\u00a0movies, taking hikes, going fishing, playing\u00a0tennis, or just watching television. All of\u00a0this seemed rather innocent and harmless\u2014\u00a0and for the most part it was. But\u00a0there was a by-product that no one\u00a0warned me of. That by-product was that I\u00a0had given small pieces of my heart to\u00a0many different people on many different\u00a0occasions.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">With each anniversary,\u00a0I can honestly\u00a0say that your mother is more beautiful to me\u00a0today than the day we stood before God\u00a0and both said, \u201cI do!\u201d She is an incredible\u00a0woman for whom I will always be thankful.\u00a0She is a model Christian wife and a\u00a0spectacular mother. And that\u2019s why it\u00a0hurts a little knowing she will never completely\u00a0have my entire heart. Oh, physically\u00a0speaking she is the only one for me. I\u00a0have been faithful to your mother every\u00a0single day since we said our vows.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">But\u00a0those memories from past dating experiences\u00a0linger. It\u2019s not that I\u2019m interested in\u00a0these other individuals\u2014because your\u00a0mom completes me. It\u2019s is just that the one\u00a0gift that I wish I could give your mother\u2014\u00a0my entire heart\u2014I\u2019ll never be able to. I\u00a0wish I could simply flip a switch and completely\u00a0erase the past from the old neuronal\u00a0hard-drive. But the fact of the matter\u00a0is I can\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">We don\u2019t speak of this often in the\u00a0church, because past memories leave a\u00a0bitter taste in our mouths. The Bible\u00a0speaks clearly on the importance of\u00a0guarding your heart. Solomon shared this\u00a0wisdom noting, \u201cKeep your heart with all\u00a0diligence, for out of it spring the issues of\u00a0life\u201d (Proverbs 4:23). Notice this is in the\u00a0form of a commandment, and rightly so, as\u00a0the heart is under attack (see Jeremiah\u00a017:9-10; Matthew 15:19). Do not rush into a\u00a0relationship just because it is new and\u00a0exciting. Solomon wrote, \u201cI charge you, O\u00a0daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or\u00a0by the does of the field, do not stir up nor\u00a0awaken love until it pleases\u201d (Song of\u00a0Solomon 2:7; see also 8:4).<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Guard your heart and do not be quick to\u00a0give it away. Consider the long-term consequences\u00a0of giving even a small portion\u00a0to someone who will eventually fade out\u00a0of your life. Just because others around\u00a0you are quick to \u201cdate\u201d or \u201cgo with\u201d\u00a0someone of the opposite sex, hold yourself\u00a0to a higher\u2014more Biblical\u2014standard.\u00a0The modern dating scene in America is\u00a0not a healthy environment in which one\u00a0can guard his heart. I would argue instead\u00a0that it is \u201cdivorce practice,\u201d as young people\u00a0give their hearts away only to later dispose\u00a0of that relationship for someone else.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Not many adults will openly admit to you\u00a0the sorrow of not guarding your heart\u2014\u00a0but I pray you learn from my folly\u00a0(Proverbs 4:1 and Proverbs 13:1). God has\u00a0a beautiful plan for man and woman to be\u00a0married for life (Genesis 2:24; Matthew\u00a019:5-6). Strive to remain pure for your\u00a0future mate so that one day you can give\u00a0that future spouse your entire heart when\u00a0you say, \u201cI do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>By Brad Harrub, Ph.D.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><em>Dr. Brad Harrub is the co-founder and director of Focus Press. You can get his book &#8220;Heart of the Matter: Letters to my Children&#8221; by clicking <a href=\"https:\/\/tampaseo.expert\/focus\/Shop\/Detail\/29\">here<\/a>. &#8220;Engage,&#8221; His co-authored book for singles and parents, can be found <a href=\"https:\/\/tampaseo.expert\/focus\/Shop\/Detail\/142\">here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><em>This article first appeared in\u00a0<\/em>Think<em> magazine.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Having looked into the tearful eyes of parents whose children have abandoned the Faith, I have learned there are a million miles between our\u00a0children \u201cgoing through the motions\u201d in reference to their spiritual lives\u00a0versus our children possessing hearts that dictate their actions. In this\u00a0column, I plan to share with you what I hope to instill [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":731,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"give_campaign_id":0,"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[20,46,52,26],"tags":[631,145,594,595,632,25,284],"class_list":["post-1294","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-all","category-children","category-family","category-marriagehomosexuality","tag-boyfriend","tag-brad","tag-courtship","tag-dating","tag-girlfriend","tag-marriage","tag-relationships","et-has-post-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Heart of the Matter: Dating - Focus Press<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/tampaseo.expert\/focus\/2015\/07\/07\/heart-of-the-matter-dating\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Heart of the Matter: Dating - Focus Press\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Having looked into the tearful eyes of parents whose children have abandoned the Faith, I have learned there are a million miles between our\u00a0children \u201cgoing through the motions\u201d in reference to their spiritual lives\u00a0versus our children possessing hearts that dictate their actions. 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