See Melinda Harrub’s follow-up article for wives here.

Men, how many times has your wife nagged you in the past week or two? Or better yet, how many times have you felt neglected in the bedroom? Or maybe she is putting on some pounds as she ages? Or maybe her cooking leaves a lot to be desired? Ever felt like she neglects the house or laundry?

I suspect you are not alone. I’ve heard more than my fair share of complaints from men who are not “happy” or satisfied in their current marriage. Here’s the deal; the problem is not your wife. The problem is you! For you see, there is a command in the Bible that most men overlook or just downplay to make themselves feel more comfortable—a command that can radically change their marriage and make it so much better.

Paul wrote, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 5:25-28).

Love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church. Men this is a command—not a suggestion. The text does not say “love your wife when she is pleasant” or “love your wife when she pleases you in the bedroom.” God’s command is to LOVE YOUR WIFE. The only “condition” He places on this command is that we are to love our wives like Christ loved the church. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t cook your favorite meal or if she has put on a few pounds. It doesn’t matter if she’s emotional or doesn’t have the laundry folded. Your command is to love your wife.

Take a moment today and consider what would happen if Jesus Christ placed “conditions” on His love for the church. What if Jesus acted like some Christian men who only show love according to how they are treated? Or worse, what if Jesus wasn’t happy about the church and decided the grass might be greener elsewhere?

Friends, here is the truth—before we mount a campaign to defend God’s institution against same-sex marriage we would do well to make sure we are obeying His commands about how to treat one another. We should inspect the foundations of our own marriages and consider the pattern we have been setting for our children.

Not happy in your marriage? Not satisfied with your spouse? Believe the grass is greener somewhere else? Maybe you should spend time watering your own lawn and LOVE YOUR WIFE like God commanded you, rather than walking away to find someone you think will please your “needs.” After all, it’s not all about you—it’s about Him. And your unhappiness might be just where God wants you to bring Him the most glory. Stop focusing so much on yourself and focus on obeying Him. You might be surprised…your grass might just turn green right before your eyes.

By Brad Harrub, Ph.D.

Dr. Brad Harrub is the author of “Convicted: A Scientist Examines the Evidence for Creation” and “Heart of the Matter” and co-author of “Engage: Rethinking How We Walk Down the Aisle